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Du Toit’s Kloof Lodge: Bad Cop review

This weekend we visited Du Toit’s Kloof Lodge, the place certainly has its ups and downs, but we had a great time. As such we have two reviews the good cop (me ) and bad cop (Negeva), who will concentrate on the negative aspects. You can read the good cop review here.

From resident bad cop reviewer Negeva:

Am not sure I am comfortable with being labelled as BAD cop however if bad cop means… my standards are as they should be and that I am not a ridiculously complacent customer like most other travellers …then I accept my new label.

When I travel I have specific areas in which I grade an establishment or experience

Location, cleanliness, service and value for money. Certainly not unreasonable evaluation areas.

The Du Toit’s Kloof trout farm experience could be aptly named, the longer night of my life.

Its all very well to ruff it * which I have done on many occasions ** Its all very well to slum it ** which I have also frequently done * but the reason one does that is because its dirt cheap.

Literally if staying somewhere will mean cracked walls, leaky toilets ** eekkk!! ** broken air con, holes in ceiling and so on, then the price of spending the night should be relative to the accommodation offered.

To be expected to spend R450 per night for a twin room to stay in a dump… a relatively clean dump but a dump none the less is ludicrous.

The evening started with us having to spend half an hour finding someone to assist us at reception. Call me old fashion but isn’t the reception desk at a hotel/motel/inn meant to be where you find reception? Should you wish to be assisted.

Okay so I was already a little irritated but when the chef/receptionist/woman from scary movie appeared with dirty hands, nails, finger, toes & everything else still attached to her and professed in illegible English that she has no idea how many rooms were free, pointed to a little piece of paper with pricing on it and was just generally .. dirty ** did I mention that already? * I was ready to leave.

Trying to be more, spontaneous and adventurous as my wife has pointed out I need to be, I decided to see past her fish gut stained white cut off chinos ** fashion faux pas of note! * Once we had spent another half hour with her trying to figure out which rooms were still available ** as if any would be full ** with the not so well groomed Cruella screaming at all the poor staff who clearly looked like this was a regular occurrence, we finally viewed a room.

At first glance, the room looked amazing. By that stage and compared to the room we have seen earlier in another establishment…hhhmmm a story for another time … this room seemed like heaven. Unfortunately we didn’t check the bathroom…

If I had $1 for every time the reply to one of my reasonable requests was a flat out no, I would be in the U.S. now buying a home in the Hamptons, cash! Can you assist us, No, do you have, No, May we No … No No No No.

Am I wrong in the fact that I believe service means SERVICING YOUR CLIENTS. The word no is unacceptable.
especially when you are paying the higher end of the middle bracket of accommodation.

A room that costs R450 which Is a sixth of an average local South African salary. Its not a small amount of money.

When you are camping, sure is the camp site attendee says sorry ma’am we don’t have any Louis Vuitton laundry baskets, you can understand it. When a bar man at an Inn says we don’t sell chips on a Sunday,…. One can’t.

At every turn the word No crept up. We wanted playing cards, games, dart board, pool table, lie dice, ANYTHING to entertain us ..but no. Can we night fish… NO. Are you able to keep the baboons out so that don’t KILL US. No. Can we have this dish on the menu… no Can we have that other dish on the menu.. No.

Ahhh the joys of handing over our well earned money!

One could tell that someone thousands of years ago had set up systems for the idiotic inbred members of staff at Du Toits Kloof,

And since that time, the time of Noah and the arc they had not been updated to actually accommodate real people staying there.

How does dinner take 1 hour and 20 minutes to arrive, notedly after one has been asked.. are you in a hurry…. To which the answer was a clear YES. Perhaps this word was not understood as it had been so long since it had been used that it had been scratched out of the simpletons minds and forever erased from all literature that could possibly be used by the mongoloids ***unlikely as it may seem that literature would actually be present within a 100mile radius

How does breakfast arrive with meat that not even Billy the local Maltese poodle would eat after not haven’t eaten anything in several years Lettuce and tomato that were handed down from dirty chef to dirty chef for as long as Du Toit’s Kloof pass has been open for “business”
Horrid is the only word that I can use to describe breakfast. Note to all travellers. Order TOAST!

Location: the view is without a doubt one of the most beautiful that I have ever seen, spectacular, amazing, outstanding

But What does one have to endure to experience this view, the following

Out of 1 to 10 ..ten being the Ritz

Cleanliness zero for Du Toit’s Kloof trout farm, its staff, its food, and its amenities

Service. minus 782 00million thousand

Value for money: 2

A word to the interested, DON’T DO IT!SAVE YOURSELF!